Insights

The burden, while at times heavy and taken longer to realize than perhaps needed, is understood.  The burden is accepted and agreed to.  While some look at this as a gift, and I do as well, it can also be a burden, but I choose the word burden not in a negative way.  I choose to view it as my cross to bear.  My path while carrying my cross will be tumultuous I am sure, and as no one did for Jesus when he was carrying his own cross to his end, I don't expect anyone to help me or to understand it either.  For so long I struggled to understand why I survived, no one should have survived, but I did.  I did for a reason, and it has taken 20 years to understand that reason.  

Now 20 years seems like a long time, and it is, but I was 16 when the accident happened.  I needed to grow up and become a woman in this world to finally understand why has been placed in me.  Do I feel late to the part, yes every day, but the timing is right because I am right and what I have to do needed to wait until I was right?  This is not a burden I take lightly or a responsibility that can be sluffed off but rather one of high importance and extreme need.  Do I believe I am the only one with this similar responsibility, no, there are several of us who understand our crosses to bear are not for us solely and the universe is conspiring to bring our paths together?  But I do believe, like a puzzle, our pieces fit together into a grand design that radically shifts the world at this specific time.  Each of our pieces are important and require each of us to remain diligent in our pursuits but to each that much has been given much is required.  Much has been given to me, I survived, so I now take responsibility for my burden, for my gift and I will walk the path with determination to fulfill its purpose.  

When I originally wrote this on January 4th of 2023 I had no idea the burden that was coming.  The loss of my mom has proven to be a bigger game of survival than 20 years ago when I was hit by a car.  By far this is the hardest thing to go through because it has opened a box within me that I never realized was closed.  I don't see things the same any longer and the journey to a new path has begun.  Our crosses or burdens don't change they just attract different things as our paths unfold. I never take for granted that I lived, I don't necessarily think about it every day, but when I do, I am grateful to be here, at this time, with these people to walk my path, with my cross, and fulfill my mission.